am I doing here and  by here I mean in front of this screen typing words.  I started this some time ago now and it was then as it is now a way for me to unload what’s in my head.  The fact that all of these words are now in a public forum really did not concern me in any way.  Maybe it’s true what my mother used to say, “You don’t have sense enough to be afraid.”  Well I have the common five senses and occasionally that sixth sense but I will concede that maybe those six are not enough when it comes to the “don’t say that in public sense” I seem to be lacking.

Freedom of speech is important to some people.  It’s not really important to me as far a a constitutional right.  I mean I like saying what I want to say when I want to say it and say it the way I want to say but I pretty much can do that anyway even before I was old enough to know that I was American and it was a big rule.  I have the ability, God gave me the right and I can make a choice.   Some would say that if I didn’t have that right or ability then possibly I would appreciate it a great deal more.  Well, I have experienced restrictions and downright prohibitions placed upon me sometimes by me and sometimes by others.  I have moments when I don’t say nothing at all.

Point is everything is permissable but not everything is beneficial.  Here I’m not searching looking or working for any benefit.  Writing here can not for me even be categorized.  I just like to write.  There is far more private writing than public.  I started this because it breaks up my day sometimes just to see my stuff before me.

There is no method here yet sometimes their are agendas both hidden and those not so subtle.  I write this for the same reason I read others…it helps me.  Reading and writing are my favorite things in all this world with music falling to be the next.

People blog for a great many reasons and that is evident because there are now blogs on every topic in the world.  This is Internet and people are networking.  I like the political ones, the light ones, the dark ones, the funny ones, the sad ones, the serious, the fictional, the factual, the poetic, the agreeable ones and the not so agreeable ones.  I read a vast variety and to me its always been like walking through a new piece of a new country everyday.  Sometimes I get angry, sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh but always I think and more often than not I glean something from all.

Now, that said there are a few things I will not read and certain areas that just plain don’t interest me those I steer clear from because I simply have chosen to not allow certain things in my head if I can prevent them.  Those kinds of items usually end up in my little spam box somewhere and I am amused at what the main theme there always seems to be.

This is my typical day.  I get up in the morning and get my coffee.  Then I sit down at my desk in my room.  My desk is ordered chaos.  Here everyday I study.  I study the Bible.  I read.  I write.  I look up words.  I ponder and pour over one book.  When my head gets incredibly full I take a little journey and the side trip usually helps me focus back to what I really enjoy and spend most of my day doing.  If someone calls on the phone and asks “hey wstcha doing” I usually lie and say not much.”,truthfully that’s a lie only to myself.   When the other people who live here are home most times I leave “the cave” and spend time with them.  Occasionally I don’t if I am particularly deep into something I say a quick hello and right back to the book.  I do this because I am blessed enough to be allowed to do what I absolutely love to do more than anything else in this world.  I study the Bible for approximately 8 to 12 hours a day.

Now some possibly will think I’m crazy others know that I am.  Some may even think to themselves that I think I’m better than they are or I’m writing all of this to make myself look good in the sense of more spiritual or more “christian”.  Well, I can’t stop anyone from thinking their thoughts but I can share my reasons for doing what I do.  I do what I do because it is what I want to do and I love doing it.  I am permitted to do what I do by my husband.  I am called to do what I do by my Lord.  I’ve studied the Bible since I was small.  I have two Bible story books that my paternal grandfather and my father gave me when I was very young and they sit on my bookshelf now to remind me when my passion started.  Two years ago I was allowed to quit my public job and devote all my time to my passion.  Thank you Lord, for my husband.

Do I think everybody should do what I do?  Yes.  As a matter of fact I desire with all my heart that everyone would have the same passion that I do.   I want that because my life is a lonely one.  I am a very difficult person to attach to for very long because I don’t allow the attachment not because I don’t want the attachment it’s just that I can’t be like everybody else and as much as I would love that everybody would be more like me it’s wrong and unrealistic.  God kindled my passion.  God molded me to be who I am and I am now blessed to be able to enjoy being who I am by studying who He was, is and will always be I can better understand why I was, who I am and get a glimpse of what I will become.  I want to be like God.  I can’t be God anymore than I can be my Dad or my Mother but I can be like them.  I can be like anyone.  I can learn others ways, mannerisms, language, pick up quirks and perks good and bad in others but with God he said I formed you before anyone in this world even knew you and He’s God and that means He is everything, knows everything, is everywhere.  When I get to the end of this time the only difference between him and me will be that I had a beginning and an end.  That’s how I understand what Jesus said when he stated I am the Alpha and Omega.  God became like me.  Then Jesus said It is finished on the cross.

My life started in time back in 1962.  That life ended at the cross.  My new life has not really begun but I’m preparing and rehearsing.  I am learning and growing.  I want approval so I study to show myself approved that’s my work.  I don’t work to be “good” or righteous or free from sin Jesus did that for me.  I want to see my Father and hear him say well done.  Jesus made a way.  Jesus gave me the Truth.  Jesus gave me life.  Right now I have a part of God’s Spirit that dwells within me.  It’s not all just a part.  I’m left with a nature that is worldly and a spirit that is hungry.  If I roar too loud it’s because I’m starving and a wise person once told me to be careful hungry people sometimes eat out of trash cans.

So every day I feed at a table in the presence of my enemies.  My enemies are not flesh and blood.  I battle these enemies with the one weapon given to me a sword.  If you come here you might find me fasting and during those times I’m hungry and weak so be for warned.  I have hid in a cave to prepare for a throne.  I would love to say that what I put down here is all God but it’s not sometimes this forum is just wild nature roaring.

I don’t want nor expect anything in return from all of this writing.  This is my box poured out.  Trapped inside no one knows the contents but broken I come everyday and just pour it all out…easy compared to the one I follow.

If someone reads any of this and it invokes any emotion ask yourself why?  That’s what I do but what in the world do I know?   Nothing for I want to be ignorant of everything this world has to offer and filled with hope and faith in the new life as I await to hear him say Come Up and I can see him face to face….that will be out of this world.

Sound like a fairy tale….okay then ask yourself this question.  Would you rather depend on someone who gave his own life to save yours or believe in this world that takes your life so subtley that you can be dead and not even know it?  I’m lonely and homesick but I’m not alone. 

 

It’s not prince charming I’m waiting on and my slippers are not glass

Tis a Prince of Peace I Long for whose feet still burn like brass.

On day I’ll kneel before him and weep for joy sore

Surrounded by a cloud made from the tears of many more.

On my journey forward, let me always toil

To not forget the purpose and the power of the oil.

I’ll need no vessel proper when the hour comes for flight

So let me not be fearful Lord to share your oil and your light.

For though my heart is sleeping in the comfort of your words

My flesh is always running trying to be heard.

So Mercy Lord is my prayer and Grace my only need.

What in the world would I have done if it was just about a creed?

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