“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,”  Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)

That opening line pretty much sums it all up for me.  Comparing and contrasting the many facets of my life is like entering a marathon without training or conditioning.  I can’t put my mind down in one spot and recall when I first realized that within me lies two very foreign personalities each fighting for control.

Like a virus that invaded, unwelcomed and unpleasant this “good and evil” infected my soul.  Thinking thoughts and trying to rightly divide what is “good” and what is “evil” has proven at least for me to be impossible alone.  Setting out to hear the opinions of others was futile for it seemed everyone has their own ideas of what is “good” and what is “evil”.

I can remember the first feeling of sharing what I believed to be  “good news” only to see the faces of those in front of me to declare quite clearly that they didn’t share the joy.

What in the world does that mean?

Scenario:

Think of the worst thing that could happen to you and really attempt to feel how that feels.  Each thought will be and should be individual and different but the feeling is the same.  The worst thing happens, so bad is this incident that you believe that if anyone found out you would just die!  Has anyone else out there ever heard those words, “Oh my if that were to happen to me I would just die, ” or maybe you said it this way “Oh my if anyone finds out about this I would die.”

What is it that can be so bad but at the same time be such “good news?”

Fact is it happens.  What’s eliminated afterward and what’s retained is the key to my tale of truth.

I can marvel at a spider’s web as a thing of beauty on a crystal clear morning with the dew sparkling on the fine threads.  A tapestry of nature but to an unsuspecting fly a death trap.

I can look at a unmade bed and see a night of deep passion or a bed tangled with the madness of one who slept with no rest.

I can look into the mirror and see the lines of pain or the face of opportunity shining through bringing wisdom with age.

Assurance is knowing how it all ends…….acquiring patience I am examining all this “good and evil” and learning to look below the surface and not follow what my mind may hear but what my heart knows.

I would rather suffer for the Truth than to feel good living a lie.

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)

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