I will be stepping away from posting here in my Alabaster Box for a while.  My post here of late have been sporadic at best.  I can’t say for now if there will be anymore new information posted here or not but for now all I know God is leading me on so I am following.

I will leave all information here until God sees fit to say otherwise.

For those if any who still visit here and wish to see the new places God is leading me feel free to stop by the new place…

FINAL DAZE

Sometimes unseen when present

Alone in crowded places

The watcher ever watches

The people and their faces

Words are loudly spoken

Truth is seldom heard

This watcher has a message

The crowds will deem absurd

The watcher must deliver

Even if they will not hear

A watcher does her part

With awesome Godly fear

Undisciplined restrainers

Stand ready to deny

For the words of the watcher

Are not discernible with the eye

An ear to hear is needed

As mysteries unfold

A watcher knows her enemy

Attempts a piercing of her soul

A watcher yet stands on

Delivering bold her warning

Weeping for a night

The watcher longs for the morning

When I was younger I used to always wish for a future day to come.  If I was 12 I wanted to be 13, then 16, then 18 then 21 and on and on never quite satisfied with the age at present.  I would wish Christmas would come in July.  I would wish I was in high school and then I wished I could graduate.  I wished I was married.  I wished I had children.  I wished and wished for another day other than the one I was living.

All of those wishes came true and I sit here today and thought I’ve lived my life.  I don’t wish for any future event like those any longer now I just want to go home.  There is not one single event on this earth left that I wish to experience.

I’ve had the good times, the bad times, the sad and happy times and I’ve lived my life.  What’s left to do?  The answer for me is nothing.  I don’t look forward to another single day.  I lived my life.

My grandma use to tell me when I was younger “honey don’t wish your life away” and you know what I didn’t each day came and each day went and I lived my life.

People say it’s good to save for the future and plan ahead well has anyone seen the current circumstances here and think that they can change anything?  Did all the stuff before that’s changed really make the world or it’s inhabitants any better?  I say not the only thing change has accomplished has been the need for more change.

If you can do it then I can do it better that seems to be the underlying mantra for just about everybody even if you are not willing to admit it we all feel that way about everything.

I’ve lived my life.  I care deeply about other lives but there is not anything I can do to change a life.  I can make suggestions, offer opinions and even lead the proverbial horse to water but I cannot make him drink. 

Don’t get me wrong I love the life I’ve lived.  I love my parents and I certainly loved their parents.  I’ve in short loved, love and will love my family.  I can’t show them the kind of love I have for them because we are all incapable of seeing that kind of love.  So, while here on earth it may not have appeared due to my words or actions at times that I ever loved anything or anyone but deep in a place within my life the love is there  perfectly defined.  I’ve not always in the midst of the circumstance liked where I was, what I was doing or who I was with but I lived my life.

My life has been good.  My life has been evil.  I’ve lived my life.

Then I met Jesus.

And now,

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

that just about says it for the world and most of it’s inhabitants.  Take it or leave it they say.  I often wonder a little too much maybe just who “they” are.  What you see is what you get or if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck must be a duck two more of those phrases that are overused and not necessarily true.  My all time favorite is “all that glitters is not gold”…

I’ve tried change and I don’t like it.  I’ve attempted change to please others and sometimes just for myself but you know what for me I just like me and all that I am just like I am.  I will say that my actions and reactions are sometimes in need of adjustment but at the end of the day I lay my head down just like I wake up resting in the fact that there is one who knows me better than anyone else and he loves me just as I am.

Sure I walk to the beat of a different drum but I enjoy the sound of different, weird or as more properly put unique.  Yeah I’m loud, overbearing, outspoken, opinionated, long-winded, not your regular or stereotypical wife, mom, sister, daughter, aunt or any other bad good or indifferent label you want.  The only thing I have in common with most other people is being human in form and a little bit some more than others animal like in nature.

Most days I’m the opposite of everyone I meet so I enjoy the miracle of meeting a rare kindred spirit.  One who not afraid to enjoy the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You know it kind of reminds me of biscuits.  I mean my grandma’s and aunts who made biscuits all used their hands never those biscuit cutters or even the lid off of a jar.  They put flesh to dough and molded each one with special care always leaving the imprints of their hands on top and they flattened them in the pan.  When they come out of the heat of the oven they never all look exactly alike but the impression of hard work and labor of love is evident in all of them and even the crumbs useful.

So with that said I’m just gonna think about that for a while..cause while it all seems like bread there some meat in this somewhere..

So look beyond the surface you may find nothing every really is what it is…appearances are deceiving try the spirit…

It’s no secret to those who have seen me to know that I like food.  Yes I admit to being “over-weight” whatever that means for whoever sets the standards.  I tend to like my grandma’s term much better she’d always say, “you’re not fat, you’re big boned.” 

The things I enjoy I tend to try to do a great deal.  It just makes sense to me.   Most every memorable occasion in my life has revolved around food and family.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Morning time and cool evenings just make me crave grits pretty much in my opinion grits are just fine any time.

So to say I like food is sort of an understatement.  Skinny people fear they may turn out like me but then again I have skinny family members that probably eat tons more than I do so go figure..the pun is intended.

That all said without even mentioning my desire for a bag of Reese’s cups all to myself my fatness, obesity or big bones is not the thought rambling in my head tonight. 

Tonight I’m remembering the table.  I sometimes think that every thing that is wrong with this world or at least a large portion of it can be contributed to the fact that not many people gather around the table anymore.  They gather around a table with a great many names but not the table.   I’m glad I have memories but they only make me long for the table more.

I’ve sat down at a lot of tables in my short time here on this planet.  I’ve gathered around tables as a guest, a customer, a friend, a co-worker, a member of a local church body, a neighbor, an alien in a foreign land, and last but certainly not least the family tables far away, across town, and as close as home.

I have but one table left that I long to be a part of and I’m ready, prepared and from my years of rehearsal know when it’s mealtime.  There’s a certain sound, there’s a distinct smell and then the call that around my family goes something like this, “come on it’s time to eat.”

The table I yet desire will have all those components prior to the call.  There’s a certain sound in the air and you just know preparations are made, there’s a hunger that’s triggered simply by the memory of something once savoured.  The call will come too and I don’t know the exact words but for me any of those I do know are more than sufficient for me to hope for what I don’t know.  So whether it’s, “Come up hither!” or “It’s time or any other word or words chosen it’s fine with me.

I expect the call any time.  I await the call with anticipation and the hunger is growing.  A word of caution here is needed and it’s something shared with me by a dear friend hungry people will eat out of a trash can.  Spiritually speaking I’ve been guilty of that a few times and even more sad I’ve offered a good deal of trash in my time.  (Lord knows if I’m gonna be honest about my weight I can come confessing my own sins also.)

The world just seems awfully hungry right now and not a few tables are being spread wide and long most behind closed doors in the past but lately the world seems to have flung open a door to tell all.  Every side is bidding come over here we have the answers.

I’m indeed turning a deaf ear to the worlds cries.  I’m just not satisfied with the sound, nor the smell nor those attempting a call these days.  Doesn’t matter to me whether it’s the majority or minority the numbers don’t concern me great nor small I’m just not interested in what’s being served up.  It’s not  “fishy” it’s a lie and an old lie that’s been circulating for ages now throughout the air.

There’s only one answer to every problem that is true.  All others answers circle around the table of truth as an ever present enemy. 

So you can take your place at a table or wait for the table the choice has always been there for each to make.

1Cr 10:21 Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord’s table, and of the table of devils.

I’ve made my choice by what I’ve seen and followed by the examples in the lives of people who mean more to me than my earthly flesh can tell.  You see for all my life I’ve been served.  I don’t remember the women in my family ever sitting down while the meal was taking place.  My mother and my grandma before her and all my aunts always just served the table.

It was only after all others were served that they would find a corner or a piece of floor and quickly grab a bite in a hurry without ever taking their eyes off the table lest something was needed by someone.

I thought really hard about that and you know I was blessed by that example and I thought is that not who and how the church should be?

My family was large but the food always was enough for us and the frequent guest or guests who once they walked through the door and sat at the table just became one of the family. 

The conversation for the women always centered around the partakers of the food.  “Do you need anything, did you get some of this or that, you should try this, that over there, don’t forget the —–, do you like it, is it seasoned enough, is it hot or cold whatever it needed to be that’s what they need to know that it was which brings in a whole new topic.

There’s some foods you want and expect to be hot and some you want cold but I can’t think of a thing we had that we wanted somewhere in the middle of the two where you really were confused as to what it was supposed to be.  The same is true for what you drink.  Who in this world could stand a cup of tepid coffee or tea yep it’s gotta be cold or hot.

Now when it come to that cold or hot topic it depends on the person for some things like banana pudding and peach cobbler or potato salad.  I like them all hot others prefer or can eat them just as well cold.  With the potato salad there is even the added danger if you leave it out it can make you sick so it’s beneficial to eat it or refrigerate till needed again hot or cold.  That’s a rabbit trail for another time so enough said.

Today’s grace is sufficient for me in knowing that I have a place at the table.  I accepted the invitation, I await the call and I will sit down not as a guest but as a Child of the King because my Father is at the head of the table and He saved my place.

Until he calls I’ll be thinking about the table for awhile…in fact I think about it a great deal…

Past post October 3, 2008

The Family Table